Interview's last lovin' Part 5

5. Your husband is a colorful character, to say the least. Tell us about your craziest adventure with him. What does he do that makes you laugh? What does he do that makes you cry? Why don't you like his cat? What is your secret to making this marriage work?

Colorful, huh! That says a mouthful all in one word. We have had so many adventures, where to even begin and better yet how much to actually share?

One adventure, if you want to call it that, was when he was teaching me to drive. On one trip around town it started to rain. So he explained how to turn on the wipers. Then it started to pour and I simply couldn't see no matter how fast the wipers went. So as I drove extremely slow while crying that I just couldn't see and could not continue, he lovingly supported me while I came to a dead stop in the middle of the road to switch seats with him so he could drive my crazed ass to the comfort of our house.

Another adventure was buying our house. And that one seemed like it would take forever! We applied. Were denied over a credit report mistake. Cleared up the mistake. Got approved. House hunted. (There's another story for ya.) Found the house of our dreams. Made an offer. Had the offer accepted. Waited for the final paperwork. Signed a butt load of money over. Moved in.

House hunting is fun, but especially when you go to a modular home lot with Frank! So we go to a modular home lot that looked like it had some nice houses on it even though Frank was dead set against getting a modular home...I insisted we atleast look. One of the sales guys greets us and we explain to him that we are looking and had already been pre-approved for a home loan in $X amount. So he writes a list of houses on the back of a business card that were in our price range, tells us to go look around at those houses, and says he will meet up with us in a bit. We set off looking at the ones on the card. Frank sits on every toilet and lays in every bathtub in each of the houses! I holler at him each time he does it because somebody could come in and see him being a screwball and embarass me. Frank? He thinks it funny! As we make our way around the circle of homes we are right in front of the office and see one that is huge for a modular home. We decide that even though it is not on the list we should take a peek in and see why it's so huge. The door was locked! But we noticed there were people in it so we wait for one of them to open the door so we could go inside. BUT before we get that chance we hear from behind us "Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank. Is that one of the houses on your list?" Ok, at the time the salesman's tone was quite humiliating and embarassing. But later on that day it led to many laughing fits as one of us would repeat his mocking tone. We never did buy a modular, that one guy soured me on the idea.

Ok, for the next few there needs to be a full out WARNING! WARNING, IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR OR READ OF SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN THE HUBBY AND I DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!

So before we were married and were teenagers in love, sex was something we lived for and made time for numerous times a day...everyday. Well, when Frank was at my house visiting, sex was a no-no as my mother just could not know that we did THAT! Being a teenager quickly got the better of us...well me, he's just like that. We were out front of the house and Frank convinced me to go inside and take off my panties. (I don't think it took him long to convince me either, I was pretty giving of the panties for him.) When I came back outside he slid me onto the hood of my mother's car, stood in front of me, pulled my legs to either side of him, slid my shorts off to the side, and we did what teenagers do...right there on the hood of my mother's car! Soooooo...we did it many more times. Once, my neighbor came over to ask if I needed a ride to school the next day and we had to mask what we were doing by pretending to be just hugging and cuddling. On another ocassion, one of which my sister later informed my mother of, my mom walked into the garage, turned the light on, saw us out front, and waved at us. FRANK ACTUALLY WAVED BACK! Who the hell waves at somebody elses mother while having sex? That man ain't wrapped too tight!

Then there was the adventure that nearly killed us, and I mean literally. Way back when Frank's neck was broken and I had to drive him to the Doctor's office for checkups and such, we noted a little porn shop on the outskirts of the town where the Doctor's office was. So one day we decided on our next trip we would stop in and see what was what. Like good sex crazed people, we dropped in after the next Dr. visit. Oh my lord! The things in that store made my head swim. Frank encouraged me to find a toy that I thougth I would like. Far too many choices, so I asked him to help find something. So we wander around and around and then Frank spots it...a butterfly. Now I had no idea what in the hell it was so Frank the sex expert explains that it's a vibrator that is shaped like a butterfly and doesn't actually get inserted. Ya see, it has these little straps that you wear around your legs so that the butterfly thingy sits comfortably between your legs and massages you in all sorts of heavenly ways. The kicker...it has a remote! SOLD! After they do the usual of making sure it works by putting batteries in it and turning it on before you leave the store (I hate when the cashier plays with my toys before I do) we head out of the store and get in the van. Now, I must note that with Frank's neck injusy he is not able to drive so I did all the driving back then. As I turn the van on, Frank says in his lovable voice "Pull into the back and put it on." After about two seconds of arguing with him, I did just that. I pulled behind the store, slid out of my panties, put my new butterfly friend on, and then started to drive us back home. The first part of the trip home was a tingly, heavenly trip as Frank sat next to me and operated the remote for my butterfly friend and sent me into realms of pleasure that just should not be experienced during the day and in public. Now with me being in that state of mind and Frank being lost in his world of complete control over my body without even having to touch me...we hit the S-curves...at 70 mph! Now it wasn't the S-curves nor the speed that almost killed us, it was Frank switching it to full blast as I rounded one curve with an on coming semi truck barreling towards us and me not being able to focus and swerving into the other lane! I swerved back into our lane, we gained control of our senses, pulled over onto the side of the road, and placed my butterfly friend back into it's box for the remainder of the trip home. And you bet your ass on every trip to the "goodie store" after that, we just salivate over the toys until we get home...except for the time we bought flavored lube and I made him tatse it before we left the parking lot! lmao

OK, enough of the adventures for now or we will never get done with the interview.

What does Frank do to make me laugh? What doesn't he do might be easier! Frank lives to entertain and make others laugh. He has damn near killed Spot with laughter before, several times. He makes sarcastic comments. He walks funny while distorting his face. He pokes fun at himself. He lives life to it's fullest, and that often drags those around him into entertainmentville. He just enjoys life and laughs at every moment he can, which is quite contagious.

What does he do to make me cry? Not much, believe it or not Frank actually goes out of his way to make me not cry. But when it happens, he comforts me and holds me close to his chest until I am done. When we were younger we would fight, and it often got ugly. I will admit that I would sometimes cry intentionally because I knew that it would end the fight right away. Frank is just not the type of person who can see somebody he cares about cry and not fix it for them.

Ahhhh, his freakin' cat! Patches O'Fluff to be exact. Patches is a Maine Coon, or however you spell that damn breed. Part of that breed's nature is similar to a dog, well a puppy to be more exact. They need constant love and often mimic dog behavior. When I had my dog, Caesar who was half German Shepard and half St. Bernard who weighed about 150 pounds, Patches wanted nothing more than to have Caesar love him. Caesar? He wanted nothing to do with that cat. Patches would sit by Caesar as he drank from the water bowl and watch the waves in the bowl as Caesar's overgrown tongue lapped at the water. Then when Caesar was done, Patches would stride over to the bowl, swat at the water with his furry paw to make similar waves, then lap at the water until the waves stopped, and then repeat the above actions until he was done drinking. And then he'd sit on my lap wet paw and all! Patches also doesn't like to bathe, I think it's because he never saw Caesar do it so why should he do it. So Patches is kind of a skanky and long haired "puppy" who has an insane obsession with getting and maintaining Frank's every waking moment of love and attention. He'll stop at nothing to be loved by Frank. Patches will sit next to him and tap Frank until he gets love. He'll slam his head into our shut bedroom door until we let him in for some Frank love. He sneaks under the covers just to be close to Frank. He lets Frank cuddle him like a stuffed teddy bear. I guess as much as I give Frank shit over his damn cat, I love the little fluffy thing for loving Frank so much and making him happy. Frank will have to share his story on how Patches became part of our whacky family.

Our secret to making our marriage work? Love and understanding. We both do things that annoy the other, but we understand that it is just how the other is. We don't try to change one another, we just accept the other...faults and all. That's another thing, don't point out the faults. Trust me, that just makes it worse. Willingness. You have to both be willing to help the other out and do things you might not really want to do. But it has to be returned in kind. Marriage is really a two-lane road. You have to be willing to travel both sides of the road, take detours when needed, stop at stop signs, hit the gas to get up the hills, and roll the windows down to enjoy the breeze that passes you by. Other than that, I'm not real sure what we are doing that makes it work. I just know I enjoy it and am all the better for it.

Josie, thank you my friend for the chance to answer some loving questions. I enjoyed every moment of it. I hope the answers were worth the time and thought that you put into the questions.