Thursday, April 12, 2012

Ultrasound Day

So today was my ultrasound and I was an obedient little patient. I was told to drink 32 ounces of water one hour prior to my ultrasound so that my bladder would be pretty full and make the images easier to see.

One hour prior to my ultrasound I had to pee like you would not believe! So I did what I had to do since there was no way I would make it another hour on that bladder. After much relief, I felt guilty so I drank about 26 ounces more.

Skip ahead one hour, I'm sitting in the waiting room and in so much need of a potty break that I was worried I was going to wet my pants!

Finally, the ultrasound tech comes to get me and I told her that I was feeling pretty uncomfortable and my bladder was super full even though I had just gone an hour before. She said that she would try to be fast so that I could go potty and feel better but it was important to have a full bladder so that imaging would be easier.

I unbuttoned my jeans, slid my pants down a little bit, and slowly eased back onto the table so that I would not wet myself right then and there. As I laid down, I noticed a huge bump in my belly and thought "Oh my lord is that my bladder poking up?"

Nancy, the technician, squirted some warm lube on my tummy and then looked to make sure she had put enough on ...then she laughed! "Honey, your bladder is definitely full. I can see it protruding upwards."

I told her I had been a good girl and drank the amount of water I had been told to drink. It was then that she told me that somebody my size should only drink 16-18 ounces for ultrasounds since I don't have enough excess tissue/fat in my body to help absorb it all. Well, that was news to me but did NOT help my dire feeling of "I have got to go!"

She very gently and very quickly took a few images all while giggling at how much my bladder was poking up. I honestly looked like I was a few months pregnant! After about five minutes, she happily informed me I could use the potty before we continued. Oh the relief!

The test results will be back next week but things did not appear too far out of the normal so she did not have to code it a "Hold and Read" which would have made me wait for the doctor to read the images.

In the past several years I've tried to get into shape and lose weight. My mind sees me as something other than the size 12 I am but my self-esteem is pretty high. I am comfortable in my skin and do not fret over what I eat or how much I eat. I know I need to work out so that I have more muscles, but I don't stress out over it. To hear somebody call me "small" completely made my day!

All in all, a good day so far. But now I have to tinkle again!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter!

Feeling much better and just in time for Easter!

The family decided that since our daughter had to work 6am to 1pm on Easter, the Easter Bunny would visit after she got out of work.

I woke up at 6:20am...on my day off! Craziness. After failing miserably at getting back to sleep I got up and hung out in the upstairs living room while snuggled under a blankey and watched some TV. Bear woke up about 7:30am, walked into the living room to tell me "Happy Easter", strolled into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and pointed to the eggs to exclaim "I've found all the eggs. My job is done. Tell the others not to bother." Then he walked to the dining room table where all the filled baskets sat and as he wrapped his arms around all three baskets he declared "Dibs" on all three!

That was the start of a great family day. The princess came home from work and took her brothers shopping while my honey and I finished making Easter dinner. Then before they got home, the Easter Bunny arrived and hid all the eggs.

Bear did much better at finding eggs in the morning than he did later in the day but they all had fun. Unfortunately they were reminded once again that after Mrs. Bunny hides eggs, she promptly forgets where they heck she hid them. So during the game of "Hot/Cold" the kids were lead to dead ends with responses of "We already found that one." Huh, might need a notebook next year to draw a map and mark down the locations of all the eggs Mrs. Bunny hides.

Great meal, sweet laughs, and an amazing family. I love days like this. I took about a zillion photos of the kids coloring eggs and I'll have to figure out just how to get one or two onto the page just in case anybody thinks coloring eggs is just for little kids. My teenagers love it and it is something I look forward to doing with them for as many years as they will humor me in doing such.

The husband even bought a few extra sets of egg dye just in case the entire town showed up to color eggs so I'm thinking one day this summer I'll get it out and have a mid-summer Easter. Even if it's just an excuse to color eggs, we'll put them to good use in a nice potato salad.

Hope you all had a great day as well.

PS- Glitter eggs makes it super easy for kids to find them since they leave a "splatter" trail around their hidden nest. Gonna have to remember that for next year.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

In need of some rest, or more rest

Last Thursday I just didn't feel well. Then later that evening I walked downstairs and was overcome with a terribly horrific pain in my abdomen that crippled me for days. Unfortunately, I had work stuff to do so I used the mantra "If it is not better by Tuesday I will go to the doctor."

Well, it's Tuesday and I honestly could not handle the pain any longer. The doctor did not want me to go to the ER and get lost in their rush to handle patients so they worked me in at 3:30.

I left the hospital at 8:20 after taking two urine tests, three blood tests, and one CT scan.

Good news is I am indeed NOT pregnant although I almost died when they suggested such a thing.

I have one ultrasound left to go sometime tomorrow, atleast they are hoping it will be tomorrow.

Results so far, the pain is from a "somewhat large cyst on the left ovary rupturing." I love my doctor for using the term "somewhat large" without her even knowing that I suck at measurements!

The CT scan did show that I have a growth in my uterus of the non-baby type. The doctor is pretty sure it is a fibrous growth and not cancerous growth and the ultrasound will show for sure since the fibrous growths apparently look drastically different than cancerous growths.

All in all, stressful day and still in quite a bit of discomfort especially since the doctor had to press on my abdomen to try and locate the most painful spot. I've never seen this doctor before but I know I will see her again. She was very kind, very sympathetic, and very thorough. Her compassion and determination to get me healed was very kind.

I am exhausted and somewhat sore so I shall pass on the weekly OQW but will keep you posted on my progress towards good health.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

OQW - The answers

Wednesday was a rough day and ended with me falling asleep in the living room chair, so OQW ends with my answers on Thursday. Sorry for the delay.

L asks What is your least favorite thing to do each and every day and why?

My absolute least favorite thing to do each day is "litter box partol." With three cats in the house I check their box daily to see if it needs scooped or not. It is a disgusting little job that seems to be all mine and it often makes me wonder if I could somehow potty train the three cats to use the potty. Then all I have to do is teach them to flush! Ahhh...that would be heaven!

The Ranting Monkey asks What is your favorite part of your job?

There are so many things that I absolutely love about my job, and that is an honest statement. If I was picking just one I think I would have to go with my co-workers. While all of them might not be in my favorites list, there are quite a few who I love spending time with. There are a couple who I share outside of work time with and love that. I have always been a fan of the manta "co-workers should not be your friends, it just leads to trouble" but there are two that I completely make an exception for. There are two that I consider my friends and the days I work with those two ladies are always my favorite days of the week.

Bozo asks Someone left this comment on my blog today: "Modesty continues the cycle of shame." The context was wearing more or less clothing when you swim. What do you think of this statement?

I believe modesty has nothing to do with shame but has much more to do with self-appreciation and self-esteem. I think people choose which clothes to wear based on how they feel about themselves. Speaking from a female standpoint, I think that when women get dressed there is always the thought of "How do I look in this" somewhere in our minds. I think our choice of clothing is much like gift giving. We don't want to give a gift that is in tacky wrapping paper held together by band-aids. We want to give a gift that is wrapped in a gorgeous paper, has pretty ribbon around it, and finished off with a cute little bow. We are each a gift to the world around us and I think when we get dressed for the day we try to present our selves as such in the outfits we choose.

Now there are some exceptions to those thoughts. When we are home or by ourselves, we often choose much simpler wrapping paper, wrapping paper that has been crinkled, or wrapping paper that just feels relaxed. When attending certain events we choose to do without the ribbons and bows so that we aren't those present sticking out like sore thumbs. Just some of my thoughts.

Josie Two Shoes asks Life can be pretty scary at times. What is your one greatest fear, and how will you handle it if by chance that fear becomes a reality?

My greatest fear is death. The death of a loved one, the death of a friend, and my own death. My greatest one of all those is my own, and not for the reasons you think.

I fear dying because I can't imagine the sorrow that my husband and children will face. I can't imagine that I would not be there to help them through it. That is why it terrifies me so. I love my husband and children and am always here to help them with anything. Thinking about not being here for them for a time when they need me the most terrifies me to my core. As I am typing this, tears are just rolling down my face and I can't make them stop. It is not my concern for "do they know when the cable bill is due" or "do they know how to scoop a litter box." I am concerned that in their deepest time of sorrow and sadness, the one person who has always been their biggest cheerleader will be silent and unable to help them. Will be unable to whisper the encouraging words of how their days will get better. Will be unable to give them that comforting hug they need. That is what I fear the most.

Lily asks If you were to spend an entire year on a desserted Island, what 5 things would you not be able to live without?

A whole year? By myself? Holy moses I can barely make it a day by myself! I'd absolute have to have my phone so that I could call those I love and talk to them. I'd need to be able to make sure they were ok. I'd have to take my computer to entertain me during the times where my loved ones would not be able to chat on the phone. (Let's pray there is electricity on this island for my next one.) I'd have to have a charger for the first two items on my list so that I could have them them available to me the whole year. Eeek! Only two more items to bring with me and I'm not sure of which way to go!

Make it paradise by bringing sunscreen and a beach towel? Make it rustic by bringing food and drinks? I think I'll cheat and imagine that my deserted island is fully stocked up on food and beverages so that it is more of a "relaxing" deserted island. I would take my beach towel and sunscreen. If I am going to be away from civilization for a whole year I might as well come back tanned, relaxed, and ready to take on the world!

DWei asks For whatever reason you've been tasked with staying awake for 96 hours nonstop in the room you are currently in. You are not allowed to leave said room for any reason until the allotted time is over. How do you manage to stay awake using only the items in said room.

First off, let's just say this a truly evil thing to have happen since those who are close to me know that there are only two things in this world that turn me into a human being that is similar to a one-month old child with colic and that is sleep and food...or a lack thereof! Glad I am in my living room so that I can choose my computer and my stereo. I'd need my computer to keep my mind going by either playing my favorite game of all "Farm Frenzy" or to just come on here and tell you all how sleepy I am. I'd need my stereo so that I could use it to play music and inspire me to get up and move around so that I could re-energize my muscles to keep going. I will give a warning though, under no circumstances should anybody enter that room until those 96 hours have passed and I have been allowed to sleep. It would just be dangerous, and I'm talking walking into a cage of tigers who have not eaten in days and have been slapped around dangerous!

Jo-Anne asks Where you are mummy's girl or a daddy's girl????????????????

From the bottom of my heart I am a full blown daddy's girl! My father is my hero. He means everything to me. Even at this stage in life I know that if I fall down, he will be there to pick me back up and dust me off. My father lives several states away and we don't get to visit often but when we do it is something I cherish.

Thank you all for the wonderful questions and sorry I am a tad late in responding.

PS-I tried to make each person's name link to their blog except for My monkey man. His would not create a link. :(

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

On a lighter note - OQW

I shall play along another week. Here's your chance to ask me one question and I shall answer it honestly on Wednesday.

Be warned, once you ask your question I shall in return as you to play along and respond to a question I ask you.

A life well lived

It's been a rough work week so far and we are only two days in. Tomorrow will be the real rough day. Let's start at the beginning.

Monday I walk in as usual and say hello to each of my employees. One asks "Did Kortni talk to you?" Assuming that it regarded my conversation with her the previous night I replied that I had talked to her. Then I walked into the office and knew that I did not know what was going on.

"Harold died this morning."

I run a restaurant and we have our "regulars" who visit us at least once a day. They become family and we look forward to their visits, miss them when they are not there, grow concerned when they miss more than one day, and call their house if they miss too many days without warning us in advance. When you talk to these people all the time you get to know them and truly care for them. I talk to my "regulars" more than I talk to my own parents! I care for them and love them as more than just customers.

Harold, his son Lloyd, and Lloyd's wife Janet are people I always looked forward to visiting with. They are such a loving family and always so kind. If another customer was unkind to an employee, it was Lloyd and Harold who would come to our defense and set the offender straight. Being in customer service, we appreciate and love them for this because it is not something we can do ourselves. They are our heroes, our defenders, our crusaders.

An hour after Kortni broke the news to me, Lloyd and Janet came into the store. To be with friends. To be with family. To be comforted with hugs. To share tears.

They visited us twice yesterday and promised to be in today to give us the information for Harold's services. I kept waiting for Harold to walk in the doors behind them.

Today, Lloyd asked for a few items to place in Harold's casket so that he can take part of the restaurant he loved with him. I had already knew the request would be asked for and had another idea.

When Lloyd and Janet came in, Lloyd asked for the items and I told him I had something for Harold. I went into the office to get the item I hoped he would accept. A nametag that matches all of the employees except for a few changes. His name is bold in the middle but where it should say "Proud Member of ____" it said "A valued part of ___." Under his name where our nametags say our position, his says "Valued Guest."

The hug and tears told me it was appreciated.

Tomorrow, I say my goodbye to Harold and am very grateful to have Kortni going with me.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

One Question Wednesday responses

TRM asks: "Of all the ways you've changed in the 18 years we've been married, what change are you most proud of?"

I think I am most proud of the growth I have done as a person. I used to be fairly self-centered, overly opinionated, and lacked the ability to accept that people were human and had flaws. I would get stressed out and often cranky but unable to not spew it forth on others. I threw all my emotions out into the world and onto others.

I'm not saying I am a saint now by any means but I do believe I have gotten much better at being a better, more compassionate person to be around. I try to put others first and consider their feelings before I just let the craziness out of my head. I try to be respectful of others and their feelings. I sometimes do a better and sometimes I falter. That is just part of my "say what you feel" personality.

I am still a work in progress, but I honestly believe my progress is going well. If I had a download bar, I'd say it is about half way complete. Now just to work on the part of me that expects the part of my husband to know what I want without me giving him a tiny hint. One day, until then he's gotta keep on guessing!

Josie asks: "You have had some wonderful family nights at your house, what would you say are the most endearing, and the most challenging personality traits of each family member, including yourself?"

I can pretty easily list my entire family. Myself? That one will be a challenge so let's start with the family!

Frank - His most endearing quality is that he truly is the warrior of those he loves. He would fight to the death for any of his family members or friends without having to be asked. He holds people close to his heart and truly cherishes them. Shhh...don't let him know his secret has just been outed!

His most challenging quality is his temper. I often refer to it as his "old man crankiness." I'm not sure if he notices it or not when his inner beast escapes, but it's not all that cute. The myth of a red-headed temper must be similar to his red-bearded temper. The beast does not surface often but when it does I do my best to feed it a cookie, give it a hug, and tuck it into bed for the night.

Princess, our daughter - Her most endearing quality is her smile. She has an amazing smile that can light up any room. I love when her mock-pout turns into a beaming smile with a giggle behind it. She has a great sense of humor and warm up chilly days with her smile. When it's family time, the boys all sit around and crack jokes at everybody's expense. I often wait for her smile to show and her laughter to follow. When she was only 1/2 hour old, she graced her first ever smile upon her Grandpa and instantly he was smitten with a loving bond that has only grown stronger and stronger over the last 19 years. It is that same smile that I will miss when she goes away to college.

Her most challenging quality is much like her father's, her temper. She is always on the go and super busy in life which leaves her often stressed about lack of time or how to handle things if they don't turn out the way she envisioned them. I have faith that she will one day gain the knowledge of just how truly capable she is of doing everything she sets her mind to and that discovery will lead to a peace of mind she sometimes seems to be chasing. Her inner will and drive are simply amazing for somebody her age, once she discovers that...she will be much more relaxed in life.

Bear, our oldest son and middle child- His most endearing quality is his love. He has an open heart of love, joy, happiness, and humor. He is absolutely a kind soul. I've always tried to keep the kids pretty equal. I'd take them out shopping together and then I'd take them separately. Ever since he was able to talk, anytime it was Bear's turn to go out with him Mom as just the two of us he'd always question "What about the others?" He'd always be concerned about what if they wanted to go, what would they like us to bring them back, or what would they like. Even now as a 17 year old young-man, he quite often puts others first.

Bear's most challenging quality is his lack of confidence, although that is growing. He simply has no idea how smart, funny, and talented he is. I can see in his face sometimes that he questions himself and does not believe in himself the way that he should. He is capable of anything and one day he will discover it. Until then, I will be his cheerleader to push him forward.

DJ, our youngest son and youngest child- His most endearing quality is his complete lack of being able to be stressed about anything! He is a gentle, old soul in a 14 year old's body. He just does not seem to have the ability to be worried or stressed out about anything, aside from frustration over video games. DJ once got detention. He was not doing as the teacher wanted him, he was talking during a time of requested silent work. After repeated warning, the teacher sent DJ to sit in the hallway. DJ stood up, walked towards the front of the classroom, saluted the teacher, and then proceeded into the hallway to relax. Did I say saluted? Yes, he saluted the teacher! It was not done as a symbol of disrespect DJ said, it was just the opposite. It was more of a "Well played" salute to his teacher, or so he explained. Was he worried over his parents being upset about his detention? Not one bit!

His most challenging quality is without a doubt his complete lack of being able to be stressed about anything! He is so care-free in his life that it is often difficult to understand just why he is the way he is. I envy the fact that he surely will never have an ulcer but as his mother it frustrates me to no end trying to communicate something when he truly does not see what is so wrong. Don't get me wrong, he is not care-free with his actions and is a fairly responsible 14 year old who even has a job, he's just a care-free spirit.

Oh lord I have run out of family member! That means it's time to talk about me...YIKES!

My most endearing quality? I'm slightly stumped so thought I would cheat a bit and ask the husband. His response? "Your bitchiness!" On second thought I won't cheat but my most challenging quality might just be the fact that I'm about to go whoop his a$$ for saying that without even laughing a tiny little bit when he said it!

Ok, real business now. My most endearing quality, I hope, is my drive. While some might see it as a not so endearing quality because I can get lost in it, my drive is what moves me to make each day better and strive for a brighter tomorrow. It is my drive to see people as not what they appear but to give them the benefit of the doubt. It is my drive to give my all to those around me and strive for a better tomorrow. It is my drive to give all of me and everything that I am for the betterment of my family. It is my drive to propel me into the world and learn all I can so that I can share it with others.

My most challenging quality, and Frank is correct on this one, is my stubbornness! When I dig my feet in, I can not be moved by logic, rationality, or persuasion. It is a terrible flaw in my personality at times but it is a part of me. It has had it's good moments in time but more often than not it has had it's bad moments. When the bull is full out stubborn, stay clear and stand back until it's teeth are no longer showing, the slobber has worn away, and the tail is no longer swooshing back and forth. Not to fear, the beast will return to it's cage on it's own or Frank, the lion tamer, will step in and coax it back into it's slumber. I often like to refer to my stubbornness as "being female" but that is just a nice way of saying "I'm in a bitchy mood, keep moving and nobody gets hurt."

Thank you both for your questions, I tried to be as open and honest as I could. I honestly enjoyed the questions and look forward to next week. :)

Now, let's hit "publish" without rereading what I wrote! I'm feeling brave tonight!