Last one for tonight.

I hunted and hunted in myspace for this one. Because even at the time that it was happening, I laughed my butt off. Posting it there, laughed my butt off. Rereading it, giggling tons. Hope you enjoy.

OH! So, gossip time! I step out of the shower yesterday and on my machine is a message but the first part was cut off because it was a machine talking to my machine. I only caught..."an inmate and the County Jail. To accept the charge of $4.50 please press 1." So my first thought is...is TGOMATOEOT in town? LMFAO ( A friend who will remain anonymous but whom several years earlier actually was on the other end of that recording at 3am! But he does not live around her anymore, so I assume it is not him...I hoped!) So who the hell is sitting in jail and trying to call me to see if I will bail them out?

Phone call #1 - Sherriff department. The cranky secretary says "No ma'am" She cannot tell me who has been recently arrested so I can let her know if I care enough about the person to bail them out. She probally thinks I am a mean bitch, but wtf do I care?

Phone call #2 - Husband at work. "OK, if you are at work then you are not in jail" His response, "Why the fu*k would I be in jail?" I explain that I know he had not been feeling well, so thought maybe he had left work early, got pulled over, got pissy with the officer, punched that officer, and was now in jail. Hubby says I have too much of an imagination! Hope he is not the next jailbird to call me cuz I might leave his butt there and then mention his previous comment to him when he asks why I am not bailing him out!

Phone call #3 - Sister at work. "OK, if you are at work then you are not in jail." Apparently this comment of mine offended her deeply! WTF? I am just trying to be a concerned family/friend of whomever has been arrested and shouldn't she care that I called to make sure it was not her? Put her down at person #2 that I will not bail out in the future if needed!

Phone call #4 - Sister at work again. "Your husband at work?" Her reply, "Why would he be in jail?" My response, "Why the fu*k would anybody I know be in jail?" Christ, I am just trying to be a caring individual! Definately put her down as person that I will not bail out in the future if needed!

Phone call #5 - Brother-in-law and his wife. Their 5 year old answered. "Is mommy or daddy home?" He says "yup" and that is quickly followed by him giving his mom the phone. "Is your husband home?" She says yes, do I need to talk to him? I say "Nope, just checking to make sure you two are not in jail." Thank GOD she actually laughed! So I tell her my tale so far, and she appreciated that I took the time to make sure that it was not them! Ok, I will bail those two out if needed in the near future.

Phone call #6 - Mother at work. So after needling my way thru their computer answering device, I get the secretary who tells me that her shift had the day off. UH-OH! Could Granny (my poor mother is the Grandma of my 3 and my sister's 3 at the ripe old age of 58 and we all call her Granny) be in jail? Now my mind is racing! What if she got pulled over by a cop, got emotional, he/she asked Granny to step outside the vehicle, she declines the offer, is "assisted" out of the vehicle, gets upset, and punches the officer? She COULD be in jail!

Phone call #7- Mother at home. The machine answers! This is looking bleak for poor ol' Granny! Could my mother be in jail? Holy crap!

Phone call #8 - Sister at work for the third time. "Have you seen our mother?" All cranky she asks, "Why would mom be in jail?" Did she hear me thinking "Why the fu*k would anybody I know be in jail" earlier? So no, she has not heard from her and did not know that Mom had the day off work. We do not know her cell phone number because she NEVER, I repeat NEVER has the damn thing turned on! So I tell sister, "If you hear from Mom, let me know." We get off the phone and I definately will not bail sister out if needed in the future.

Phone call #9 - My work. I ask if a younger friend of mine who is like a daughter to me is at work because she has had trouble in her life in previous years and I just want to rule her out. She was at work and A-OK! And, she appreciated me checking up on her even though she found it funny that i checked. I will bail her out in the future if needed.

I receive a phone call! "So you think I would punch a cop" my Mother asks! Thank god she is laughing and not in jail! I run my phone calls down to her to let her know how much of a caring daughter she had raised! She laughs and says I need a hobby! WTF? OK, might sound cruel, but she might be person #3 that I don't bail out in the future if needed. lol

It is at this point I assume it is my husband's stepmother's son. Long story short, or is it too late for that? It turns out it was him, and I did not care enough to bail his butt out! But, somebody else did.

Was it better that I not post this in the first place? If you answered yes, please let me know so I may put you down on my list of "Will not bail out if needed in the future."

Lovingly yours,

Chele